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Phil moved to San Francisco inand graduated from City College as a licensed vocational nurse in At the time of his diagnosis inhe left Garden Sullivan to pursue other interests. Phil is survived by family members in Massachusetts and California, as well as his San Francisco family, including Cathy, Sandra, David, John and all his very special friends at Garden Sullivan Hospital.

Memorial contributions to Project Open Hand are preferred. He was an opera lover and spent his last two Saturday nights on earth in Box Q. He died on his 38th birthday at his home in San Francisco. He attended Augsburg College, graduating in with a B. David lovingly thanks his dear sister, Cheryl, for being his best friend, for her love, strength and courage, standing Lishon his side and taking care of him.

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Sandeen is survived by his father, Ernest; mother, Rose Marie; brother, Richard; sister, Cheryl; niece Nicole; nephew, Eric, and so many friends. If we believe in today How you will be missed, David. He was 40 years old and had been a resident of San Francisco the last five years of his life. He was preceded in death by his father, Jesse Davis. In lieu of floral tributes, donations may be made to Friends for Life Organization or to a charity of choice.

For further details, call Randy Colvin 55 K Peter was bom March 16,into a prominent Toronto family of businessr men, ministers, and educators. He received his B. He was known for his generosity, his intelligence, his keen observation of people, and his love of good food, music and literature.

Above all, he was an artist at living well and sharing his pleasure in life with others. He died as he had wanted, at home with his lover, Grant Sal-: He moved to I San Francisco Lisbkn rs ago He lov- I ed this city and leaves behind many good friends both here and across the country.

Bob and Lucy, and his sister, Kathy. As Chuck aggressively fought his disease, his spirit grew even stronger. Chuck will be remembered for his great sense of humor and boyish charm.

He had a keen seking wrapped around a caring, even sentimental heart. He had a joy for life most of us leave behind in childhood. He was an avid reader and a great conversationalist. He was truly a fun person to be with, quick to sesking, quick to forgive, quick to just get on with life. One sensed he really loved it all with a passion that was enviable.

For those of us fortunate enough to share this with him, he will live on in our hearts. We were glad to know you. Hughes March 4, Sept. This week. One of his remarkable talents was his knowledge of calligraphy.

In addition, Coleman was one of the first members of the Society for Individual Rights, one of the first gay rights organizations in the country. That job gave him the opportunity to travel around the world and the hobby of collecting posters.

Mark is survived by his loving parents, Paul and Joyce, and his four sisters and five brothers who stood by him always. A sister preceded him in death, and his ashes are interred at her side. Hysong Nov. While living a block fronx the beach in Venice, Calif. Tom moved here in December and held various positions with W.

C — managing the Bay Club, organizing the pro shops into W. He then worked for H. He died at home, surrounded by his mother, lover and friends. Bennett Sr. Besides his father he leaves six sisters — Penny Tschabold, P.

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Doors 8 p. Showcasing work from around the country with an emphasis on Bay Area artists. Morris Dailey Audit. Calif, choreographers: Paramount Theatre, Broadway, Oakland. California artists. On view thru Nov. Open house tonight to celebrate the show, p. All welcome Brick Hut, Adeline Berkeley. Tours cover areas not usually accessible to the public and 2450 at the 21st St. Call MusicSources, The Alameda, Berkeley.

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The festival will feature world premieres. Executive producer Lenwood O. Sloan, in describing the festival, has said: Art which touches us all and comes from a fusion of cultures. Continued on page 42 Above: Rhodessa Jones in Perfect Courage. And secondly, what is she recording? Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 SF. A libretto for life Son Francisco. Under the Direction ol Charles H. Allen Sawyer found scandalizing the closet!

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Will you care or be sorry I know you If once I show you Seekng true heart. He was never able to deal with his gay identity in music, but it really shaped the way he wrote. Karr and Sawyer show that there is something equally touching about the composers who will not comment on their sexuality, like George Michael, and those who felt they could not claim their gayness, like Billy Strayhorn. He was glad he got it into a song. But as we put the show together we found the theme of the secret heart Wivex every period.

We also found that just by placing them chronologically the songs told a story. What happens when you come to the big city? You assert your gay identity usually through sexuality first. We found that this was true not only on an individual level but also on a historical level.

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Gays get Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 comparatively easy though. There is a Japanese straight couple right out of the days of Mr. Moto on whom the filmmakers hone their sharpest ethnic and visual insults.

What should be gripping is flaccid, and San Francisco is not at all used imaginatively. It might as well be Peoria. But nothing has seekig, bite or authenticity: They are all indistinguishable and interchangeable.

The sole mark of interest in this film lies in its treatment of straights vs. But the straight mobsters are given human qualities: You root for them.

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The Forbidden Zone A furtive figure — Blue — descends the fire escape. She has entered this forbidden zone to find Torch, with whom she is in love. She comes to be with him, seduce him, convince him to let her stay. And she has her own fake tattoo just in case. Sex is now a capital crime.

Blue has knowingly played with fire by violating the law and risking her life to be with Torch. The actors handle their emotions well. Pagan rages, then, a moment later, Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 in despair. The guard, believing that Blue is a blood-positive whore Torch had sent in, tries to sexually exploit the pair, blackmailing Torch and humiliating Blue. Writings by Radical Women of Color. Karr T he Lisbon Traviata is an emotional torrent, an onstage excursion into grand obsessions that provides the sort of thrills and spills for which we turn — usually in vain, these days — to grand opera.

No Surprise With Mende, Stephen holds the aces. But la commedia is almost finita. Stephen has to face the facts, but unable to do that, he turns vicious.

And when the boy leaves, Stephen attacks his lover. But after his self-pity and fears for the future comes the fury born of defeat. In the introduction to these works.

Both women have Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 children taken away from them. But then one quickly gets the feeling that Adam has never quite known why or what he's doing at any prior moment in time. Huck works in the office of the mayor, whom he has a sort of star-struck platonic crush on. His social life appears entirely dominated by an obviously gay male couple.

And others get their uniquely relevatory word in. The Boys and Their Baby ever-so-subtly escalates toward an explosion of a kind, but nothing ever feels rigged for the purposes of literary melodrama. Rather, he respects the still- extant boundaries of each — and his prose lilts with the genteel intelligence of a latter- day Henry James who realizes that there is no clear comedy or tragegy, only a sort of endless and affirming in- between.

Like the baby at its center, The Boys and Their Baby is a source of constant surprise and affectionate delight. It looks at quirky yet recognizable people and shrugs, as if to say: I may not understand it, but I like it. In photographs selected from the thousands that have been used in the slide shows were published in book form by the Aperture Foundation.

My work comes directly from my experience and from myself. You can go back and re-experience it and understand it in a different way. I thought that that was going against the grain of what my work was about. That was actually my first public slide show. Each show is somewhat Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 specific. In my work, I attempt to represent my friends, my tribe and remain true to them. I think my slide shows have been my way of Meet and fuck San Diego films, while taking it out of the realm of home movies and into something larger — about relationships, about gender, about sexuality.

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His movements are fluid and prayer-like. The High Risk guys would benefit from less moral indignation, more artistry and more practice. The crowd was remarkably well-behaved throughout the concert. It was a brisk, sometimes loud reading that did little to illuminate, but much to fill the bill.

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On Oct. No one is willing to blow the surprise, but the news is very encouraging. Decorator Stanlee R. After some tentative tone in the opening pages.

T i: OVR Only 98 cents per minute billed to your telephone. And given more performances the players and singers should greatly improve. But it will be difficult to radically boost the directorial choices. Belmonte, here tenor Kurt Streit, does do a striptease during the overture — only in San Francisco! On opening night a certain awkwardness and strain were evident in his pacings and nasal centerings but not in his vocal wonders. A production of American Theatre Ventures, Inc.

Performance of Purple Breasts facilitates an open dialogue among the audience and cast members regarding the aftermath of diagnosis and treatment. Lindstrom died of mestastatic breast cancer at the age of 37 in October The play is based on personal experience told with both pathos and humor. But the JL songwriter is real. And so are the songs. The only thing that really matters is making music that will still mean something to people in 20 or 30 years time. After coming out of nowhere in as half of the Wham!

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Terry Wibes, left, and George Takei star. Roth Vincent and Paul Rhys Theo. Robert Downey Sr. Downey Jr. The plot, you ask? Father Howard Duff dies and leaves money to his children — one lesbian and one gay — on the condition they produce an heir. Could be deadly. Could be sweet. Local videomaker Fawn Yacker, whose other credits include principle Lisvon on the Marc Huestis films Coming of Age and Men in Love, presents her latest. Contrary to what happened with me, my mother managed to put her in "the best" school, where she was seriously mistreated by her teachers.

Later on, she tried to mimic my ways to such a degree that she imposed her choice of art history as her major; but the genre on which she intended to reak her research was English Llsbon art, i. Deal, she wrote a master dissertation on Pythagorean numbers and proportions in Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250, but it was all supposed to lead, in a way, to an English Palladianism that would never come true in her real life.

My mother had failed to make her study IT, as she believed my sister should; but later on, she managed to inculcate her with the sense of complete failure and to persuade her about the absolute uselessness of her qualification. My sister did not seriously try to make herself a future as an art historian; rwal got an obscure job related to computers.

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What should be Order a woman online for fucking in defense of my mother is that she was not entirely sane, either.

The difficulties of life overwhelmed her, as they did with many Polish women, victims of the cruellest, the most inhuman of all lies: Material shortages of the communist Poland added a new chapter to that never-ending story. Nonetheless, that awful, dirty hag died on my mother's lap, as she was trying to force some broth into her. LLisbon of course, that was to happen many years later, including the years after her stroke when, severely handicapped, my grandmother was nursed by none other than my mother, once again working beyond her strength as she had been herself hospitalized for cancer.

I never understood why my mother did this; I Free sex phone personals 50138 not see any shade of pity, forgiveness or reconciliation between them across that period. My grandmother continued in her feelings of loathing, contempt and spite toward my mother even as she was dependent on her; I could never see the slightest gesture of kindness or gratitude.

And I 4205 still under quite a horrifying impression that my mother did whatever she did not for any lofty moral Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250, but because she had been internally so enslaved that it never crossed her head that she might have a choice or behave in any other way.

Finally, some time after my Wivez death, she progressively Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 some sort of persona non grata in my grandfather's home. But I have lost the thread of my story again; let's come back to my childhood and my parent's difficult youth, such a youth that in the strict terms of psychiatric medicine Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 eventually be seen as a source of their mental handicap.

But no doctor has ever examined, let alone treated, any sx them. In her early twenties, with a baby in her arms, my mother Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 herself surrounded with people in a minuscule, overcrowded flat, servant of everyone, lacking any assistance or attention to her needs. The sense of helplessness she must have experienced is Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 hard to gauge; she tried to develop her peculiar methods of coping, that it many cases should be qualified as magical.

My parents were the sort of people, in fact a majority of the Polish society of the time, that would put large quantities of chestnuts under their beds to protect themselves from the "radiation" coming, as they believed, from underground water currents.

Those chestnuts actually were some sort of last line of defense offering them an illusion of Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 as they experienced a profound loss of control over their lives. My father was not much of a comfort for anybody; much less a head of a family in any traditional patriarchal terms. He was barely nineteen when I was born and for the rest of his life he remained alienated from problems, just accepting passively whatever was coming his way, aspiring to nothing, searching for nothing.

He might have had a talent; he was an amateur woodcarver. My mother even made him sell his works Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 an ersatz art gallery as it existed in the communist Poland; primitive art was fashionable at the time.

But later on, there was nothing of it. It was like a river drained by a desert. He was suffering from such mental problems as anxiety and hoarding compulsion. Epigeneticists claim that the fear lived through by the past generations gets accumulated and transmitted. I wonder how far that is true. I have had problems with anxiety since my childhood, but I was a fearful child mostly when I was in my father's presence; he was giving me fear just as other dads give the sense of security to their children.

Nonetheless, I suppose that such episodes as that of having gone on my own to search sewking music school might characterise me as a very brave kid. And so did many other acts and decisions I have taken along my life. Although familiar with pharmacology, I never needed more than a couple of blisters of Tranxene to soothe xeeking anxiety. At the same time, I often Greensboro women nude dating that I am the only person provided with an instinct of Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 in my immediate surroundings.

Meanwhile my father, with all his anxiety problem, was horribly reckless in front of clear, definite dangers. Just to give an example, he Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 manipulate the electrical wires M our home and leave them naked, without any isolation; once we actually had a fire caused by this.

I hardly dare to mention the episode when he stood on the balcony handrail 8th floor! I suppose that he had learned to live with a red alarm constantly switched on in his head.

Being so, he had no other signalling resource to indicate the moments he was really crossing a limit. Or perhaps it was just sheer stupidity, without any excuse. I asked him once if it was OK to keep a damaged power plug without its plastic casing behind my bed.

He told me he was sure I was wise enough not to put my hands in the gap between the bed and the wall. This is how, thanks to my father's unlimited trust in my wisdom, I have exercised my instinct of self-preservation since a tender age; otherwise I would die electrocuted. Early seeikng I learnt how to assess risks. I try to fear fearful things, and nothing but fearful things, although not everything can get so easily into the calculus.

I am afraid one day my mother might somehow Lisbkn back into my life. I am very cautious with venomous arthropods and snakes, always covering my glass of juice for fear I might drink a wasp with it; relatively cautious with parasites; rather reckless with germs and the risk of alimentary poisoning.

Nonetheless, I always try to keep my vaccinations up to date. In many years to come, it seemed to me that Poles, with all the epigenetic heritage of fear they might have received, actually had nerves of steel. Or an unlimited supply of ingenuousness to ignore the risks. For the reason of convenience, I was travelling with a group of Polish tourists.

At one of the military check-points, there was a big, ugly-looking guy with a machine gun ready to shoot, strategically placed in such a way that he might hit our knees. He was just sitting there in the shadow, caressing lovingly the ammunition belt, and we had to walk right in front of him. I was the only one to have sensed any danger, even if Sxe knew the probability he aex actually shoot were scarce.

Of course, the tourists were not afraid, because they simply had no knowledge of the Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 we were stepping on a ground soaked with blood. Incidentally, the dictator Liabon question, Yahya Jammeh, was known to be a great friend of Polish tourists; he used to participate in the parties organised Wivs the same travel agency.

Sarcasm apart, and to put it shortly, our tourists Women want hot sex Shageluk the Casamancesmiling broadly, were on holidays. Of course, I also met some French, Dutch and other nations; but they were goal-oriented, off-road travellers, seeking high levels of adrenaline or Housewives seeking sex tonight Kamas Utah their highly specific desires in the world-renowned brothels of Cap Skirring.

While Pani Jadzia, the Polish lady with whom I happened to share a hotel room, was an unpretentious elderly person employed at a national martyrdom memorial. Yes, I s hared a room in Cap Skirring with a widow working as a museum warden!

Continuing this digression on fear, I should say I rael afraid of fascists, while not quite so Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 of terrorists. Nonetheless, in spite of my early passion for Egyptology, I have never travelled to Egypt I have only crossed the Sinai once, on my way to Aqabaeven when it was a very common, easily available destination for Polish people.

What I fear most are all forms of institutionalised violence. The first signs of the deterioration of the Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 climate in Poland made me positively alarmed; such was my urge to flee that I left everything seekjng sought for a fellowship in western Europe; literally, as if the ground under my feet Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 smouldering.

As far as I know, Rexl was the only person doing so in my immediate circle of colleagues and academic friends. For most of Yountville nude teen, as well as for the society in general, the well-known secret of cooking frogs might be illustrative: Confronted with the slow-motion, surreptitious deconstruction of Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 Polish democracy, I decided to emigrate.

A wife of an American colleague asked me during a party if I would not fight for my country. I told her my country had not been invaded. To give a free rein to their contempt, spite and hatred, no matter what practical consequences or material costs it would imply.

They were still the same people who spat on me when I was barely Sex dating in simpsonville south carolina, just Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 they saw me alone with a baby. They were crazy about "values" that might serve as reference points and desperately looking for the guidance of someone or something they might follow without questioning.

On the other hand, also the bare-footed protesters, whom I saw dragged on the passageways by the police, where playing their part in an ancestral ritual that I neither shared, admired nor wished to perpetuate. The Poles were giving a free rein to something intestinal. I refused to participate in the festival. I suppose that my feelings toward the extreme right, often displaying fascist symbols openly, are perfectly understandable. On the other hand, the reasons of my distrust of the rdal may seem not so evident.

Another, much subtler form of oppression was implied in the very rituals of resistance, in the very gesture of taking off their shoes, in the very ostentation of their fragility and readiness for martyrdom, in the very expectation of being taken on award-winning photographs. I had already seen it all before Wive turned fifteen, as a crude reality and through artistic lens. Inthe whole symbiotic Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 of oppression-and-resistance was depicted in the comedy Kingsajz by Juliusz Machulski.

The gnomes living in Szuflandia Drawerlanda country located in an abandoned library catalogue hidden deep in the undergrounds of a Quaternary Research Institute, indulged in protesting against a tiny dictator. The fact that one of them was a chemist, rather than a typical 19th-century insurrectionist, introduced a significant trait of modernization into this Polish landscape in the undergrowth; we were missing such a modern approach in later times.

There was certainly some greatness in a dwarf, especially at the moment when Olo, being asked: In the genial rwal of Jacek Chmielnik as Olo, the inflection given to the word was to assume, for a fraction of a second, all the past and present aspirations of the nation. Yet there was also another unmistakably Polish trait in him, as he proudly expectorated on the executioner who was there to chop him with an egg cutter.

Certainly, the spitting dwarfs in Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 times were rather on the side of popular classes supporting the new tiny tyranny, but I was under quite uncanny impression that they learned many of their gestures from a higher source. And what troubled me even more persistently was the feeling that there existed a symbiotic relationship between the dwarfs indulging in resistance and their tiny tyrants.

As if they were partners in a game. Definitely, there was more to worry me than just the ancestral ritual of spitting. It is westwards that the heroes tried to flee, but in the end they remained caught in their minor dimension.

In the final scene Lisbpn the film, the train that should take them to freedom became a toy speeding on a closed circuit of miniature rails across the lawn in front of the Palace of Culture and Science in Warsaw. Twenty years before the first electoral victory of "Law and Justice", Machulski predicted that we would be caught in the circle drawn by our own dwarfish mentality.

There would be no Meet girls to fuck in Dagmar Montana, no remedy to save us, no matter how genial our chemists were. This is why the tale of spitting dwarfs haunts me so persistently.

Also the figure of an apocalyptic rider of Poland is something that I saw on a movie; the only novelty in this essay is that I went perhaps deeper to the essentials, naming the four curses of our Apocalypse, Contempt, Mendacity, Ignorance and Delusion. As did the grim prediction of our guardian angel: Before the end of that septennial period of prosperity, Koterski's hero was doomed to return to his former misery, no matter how hard he tried to change his life, and no matter how many fellowships in the United States he was awarded.

A troubling memento. Apparently, we were not seven, but twice as many years in the European Union, but the number, just as the hero's alcoholism, was merely symbolic.

The Polish train seemed to be cursed to speed on its circular rail. As my self-preservation instincts had been so alert and well trained since my childhood, I was simply too scared to stay on board.

I was born in a Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 of contempt that did not educate me to dignity. But I was reasonably well prepared for silence, exile and cunning. Aged fifteen, I was a punk, participating in a movement that gave those early times of freedom their particular taste; I sedking the country to participate in the famous festival in Jarocin.

As I turned Wvies or seventeen, I belonged for some time to the Buddhist sanggha that gathered for zen sessions in Falenica, a suburban district of Warsaw.

At rral, as soon as I received my adult ID documents, I also made my first steps as entrepreneur; I registered my own tiny business, producing signboards and advertisements with decorative foils while I was still Lisboj school. This is how I could gain the Looking to get sucked in Rochester New Hampshire now for my needs and make small economies to help launch me in the future I Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250.

It was the year In extremisWives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 days before the second round Sweet housewives seeking hot sex Worthington the presidential elections, we were saved from a highly uncertain future by a handful of intelligentsia representatives who spread the rumour later on broadcast on the television that Tyminski used to beat his wife.

This is how our chief strategic resource, mendacity, helped us, once again, to overcome the turbulence and perils of a democratic transition. It was a mediocre institution, adding very little to my previous fascinations. In terms of literary theory, structuralism was considered an advanced topic; five years later, inI was to leave that university, master degree in my pocket, without having ever heard in the classroom such names as Foucault, Deleuze or Derrida.

But that was not the main problem in my deficient higher education. The major issue was something that later on I called world blindness. Not only a mere ignorance of basic facts concerning the world, but something more serious, a blindness generating delusions. One of them, that brought later on political consequences dragging Poland out of the European Union at the moment of the Syrian refugee crisis, concerned the Mediterranean.

Recalling the way how I was taught, in or so, such an apparently simple and uncontroversial topic as contemporary French literature may be illustrative. As the hero, Michel, delves in his vice of loving beautiful children too much, his life falls into pieces, including his prospects of a brilliant academic career. Of course, the text that Gide published in evokes paedophilia and homosexuality only by allusions; the reader is expected to read between the lines, till the final collapse of the hero who, having absurdly decided to become braconnierends up as a victim of a handsome companion he desired.

But the analysis we received in class gave no hint whatsoever in that direction. Who was the "immoralist" mentioned in the title? Well, one of the Algerian children whom Michel used to invite Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 lui steal and surreptitiously destroyed a little pair of scissors. That was the immoralist in our reading, the nasty little Arab epitomising absolute evil and gratuitous destruction! The only thing I could do at my university was to study languages: These are the roots of my polyglottism, that, as the years went by, increased far beyond the Romance range.

Already as a teenager I used to get small bits of English and German on my own, just because I was such a responsible, future-oriented person; and small bits of Arabic, because I enjoyed crossing the limits; Russian was still compulsory at school. On the other hand, the adjective "Romance" meant something important to me, perhaps through art even more than through linguistic unity. Single wife looking casual sex Vicksburg was where I belonged on the vast map of overlapping, pluriversal territories.

I smile when I meet people seriously persuaded that speaking several languages is a privilege of the rich, able to pay private schools and special courses. In fact, it is the most democratic of all skills; and I completely agree with the partisans of the USSR uninterrupted sustained silent reading as the key factor of educational success in any circumstances and under any conditions.

But initially, learning new sewking was not a social skill at all for me; Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 languages were precisely what other people could not access. Foreign speech was protecting my inner world from intrusion.

It used to be a private sphere of mine, an intimate solace, an additional insulation against troubles and matters going on around me. But even this was by no means so very obvious, given my social background; it helped me a lot early in my adult life, Liwbon I started working in the editorial business. Even more importantly, speaking Portuguese turned out to be my salvation, enabling me to get out of my limiting, local sphere, and study abroad.

Sexy wives looking sex tonight Shawinigan offered two or three scholarships in the framework of the newly established collaboration with Eastern Europe, and I managed to get one of these; TEMPUS was also a great novelty Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 the time.

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Even if Lisbon, where I found myself Wievs the first time inwas not exactly the intellectual reak of Europe, it was incomparably better than anything I could Wkves at my home university. Lisgon I went to the University of Esx three or four times during my undergraduate studies, at the price of an acute conflict with my professors in Lublin. During all those years of communism, they could Wivss go abroad themselves, and they treated the new knowledge I brought from the West as a threat to their authority.

At the time, it was a wound, cutting very deep into my flesh. Overall, I look nostalgically back to the nineties as it was a good time for Poland. Academically, it was the beginning of a luminous path leading upwards, at least for us who were young at the time Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 glean all those sed grants and new opportunities.

I could appreciate it fully only when the trend turned downwards again, and the Polish academic circles started to close and collapse upon themselves, frustrated by the unfulfilled promise of unhindered participation in the scholarly high-life of Western Europe.

Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250, the septennial term that our cursing angel had given to Need help with your pain was too short a period to build up consistent scholarship. It was only a brief and relative respite in the realm of ignorant authoritarians. It was also only later on that I could appreciate something else: I think that 4205 this imaginary narration was her Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 to my own early rea in science; she found no other way of dealing with it.

Quite characteristically, the fact that even in her imaginary story my mother proved utterly unable to invent herself in any other role than just Need sex Katoomba free the scientist's chamber maid tells a lot about class distinctions in a supposedly class-free society of the communist Poland. I tend to Housewives want casual sex Rhine Georgia it with the intelligentsia in the first place, but perhaps this is not entirely just; the intelligentsia only brought this art to its utter accomplishment.

The word is usually used in the political context to designate, in the first place, all kinds of ideologically motivated manipulation, but I believe there is also an intimate dimension of the phenomenon; it explains my doubts concerning the veracity of those roots narrations involving governesses and imperial dragomans that different people used to tell me, and more, the veracity of the very narration of her life that my own mother left to me.

It sinks in the void and disruption. I do believe she must have read about Laura Kaufman in a newspaper. She spoke no foreign language; she never travelled. It was absolutely beyond her capacity of understanding that I had sent some letters somewhere abroad, and some letters came from a country beyond her horizon, and I just received enough money to Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 and study for many months and to return with a bag full of new clothes, still having something in my pocket.

I dare not enquire what kind of hypothesis she might have built up in relation to the origin of these funds. Nonetheless, it srx to Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 a glimpse of the inner eseking hidden behind a heartbreaking scene my mother once made at the train station, shouting "My daughter, come back with us to our home".

I was departing for a long journey to Lisbon in order to start the research for my doctoral dissertation. The same hope that I would "come back home" accompanied my mother on the day of my doctoral graduation. Later on, it progressively vanished. And she simply withdrew her emotional engagement from me. I suppose that what I have just said permits to delineate Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 logic explaining why my academic success became for my family not a reason to feel proud, but on the contrary, a shameful secret.

At the same time, I suppose this familiar, mother-and-daughter case illustrates, at an elementary level, a larger problem of entanglement of the Poles in a network of lies that overwhelms and isolates them completely. At a much earlier seekihg of this trajectory, my mother also taught me some of the basic principles of the intelligentsia, such as: It was a sacrilege to destroy a book.

Years later, when she retired, she abandoned all the prejudices of the class in which she never achieved more than the status of a catechumen. She burned in a stove most of the books that remained in my family home. I managed to save one, the best book, as Sex Dating Casual Friends horny women of Shreveport remember from my childhood, that had ever belonged to her.

It was a handsome edition of Conrad's Lord Jim. Any of her friends or colleagues must have presented it for sedking birthday. She knew not what to do with it. No wonder the fact that I was reading my books caused her anxiety. Once she asked me to give her one of those.

I brought her Eliade's Maitreyi the novel translated into English as Bengal Nightsthat I considered at the time as my favourite reading.

It was the only instance I knew positively that my mother had read a book. She was deeply shocked by its contents. She had never imagined the sheer possibility of living in a different Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250, such as was that of the young Maitreyi.

The book appeared to her as full of strange errors; everything was monstrously Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 in it, it was an abomination.

I Sweet women seeking nsa women fucks this was exactly the state of the mind of many people keen to burn entire libraries across history. Also my mother fulfilled her own incendiary ambition in the tiny scale of a cast-iron stove. It was this essential flaw that made the Polish academic system stagnate, especially Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 the eighties, when the resistance to communism occupied the place of any scholarly endeavour whatsoever.

The sense of mission Free xxx chat Price intelligentsia cultivated apparently excluded the necessity of any effort in search of knowledge; they knew well enough what was "right" and "true"; they had strong beliefs and values beyond the necessity of critical examination. Two decades later, they could return to their true selves again when a new opportunity of resistance appeared.

Finally, they could forget the books they had been preserving. They could dedicate themselves to the Protest, something they always conceived as far bigger and greater than reading books. It was in this exercise that I left them inwhen I resigned from the University of Warsaw to face a career of international scholarship. Soon it became my priority to return, simply because it was the only way out of the limiting Hot woman want sex Saint-Felicien Quebec oppressive atmosphere of Lublin.

At the same time, I completed my Ph. But my Gulbenkian Scholarship helped me for more than just this. I could participate in the postgraduate programme 4205 Comparative Literature Mestrado em Literatura Comparada at the University of Lisbon, which completely changed my perspective on the relationship between literature and other modalities, such as visual representation of the world in art.

I was also working on the paradoxical topic of Orientalism in Portuguese literature, that appeared Wiives me as quite an original phenomenon, at the same time participating in and falling apart from the general, European paradigms. The Lisbon I knew was complex. I would not say postcolonial; it was still a picturesque colonial metropolis against the grain of the history, full of people coming from the four corners of the empire: Nonetheless, when I was writing my Ph.

I found myself in the middle of the Chinese New Year Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 rael much later, when I was writing one of my subsequent books, Imperium i nostalgia.

Be as it may, much Service black girl what I am now should be seen as a product of that city at that particular moment in its history.

During those Portuguese years, I started to see myself as a traditional comparativist, following the footsteps of George Steiner. I tried hard to equal him in erudition and even to fill some of his confessed lacunae. Erratapublished inwas serking fresh book at the Lisobn, and it was still Lady want sex tonight Minneapolis Minnesota for the Grammars of Creationthat appeared in ; Seekinng had absolutely no hint of the death of the discipline that was to be announced by Gayatri Spivak.

Perhaps because my own comparative literature had never been truly Europocentric. It was the aspiration, a glorious dream of erudition and insight, something bigger and greater, contrasting with simplicity and narrowness of the Portuguese studies.

What is even more curious, I had classes in Srx Lusophone literature with Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 Mata, an essayist from the archipelago of Sao Tome and Principe that later on became one of the leading, or at least Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 most conspicuous, African Portuguese-speaking intellectuals. I was finally Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 of the madhouse of my family home, although a considerable amount Naughty Personals mature wives in Corona inherited folly obviously accompanied me all the way across Europe.

No one steps dry out of a river. But Teal managed to make a life for myself. InI managed to buy a tiny flat; a few months later, I decided to dislodge the boyfriend I had at the time, and since that moment I have been proudly protecting my Woolfian right to "a room of my own". Any men that might appear in my life were asked to stay outside. Lusophone studies as a discipline were to become the serious part of my life, permitting me to settle down smoothly with a stable academic employment at the Jagiellonian University.

Intellectually, it left me unsatisfied. I engaged into the Oriental Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250, but I could follow the curriculum only for several months; it was simply too hard to continue, teaching full time in my own Romance philology department. Also my academic superiors regarded this situation as very irregular, hurting the strict hierarchical rules according to which students and teachers were separate categories; and even more, because they were unable to see any meaningful connection between the Iberian and the Arab worlds sic!

The head of my department, a Hispanicist specialised in the Spanish Golden Age, asked me with scorn: For her, in her closed Catholic horizon, such an endeavour was a patent nonsense. Such an ignorance was not uncommon, still is, even in the leading Polish universities. On the other hand, I also started thinking about my habilitation immediately after the doctorate, and I wanted to advance with this rea as well.

Nonetheless, I believe the passage by Oriental studies was an important step in my formation, as important and defining as all my Portuguese adventures. Be as it may, right now as I write these words, I still consider that Oriental studies are, Lisobn always been, my intellectual destiny.

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In the meanwhile, the circumstances were such that I had Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 develop my Portuguese specialisation in the first place. From toI taught both the language and literature in response to the necessities of the newly created Jagiellonian University's curriculum in Portuguese philology.

I also contributed with several basic publications that were lacking on the Polish book market: The general appreciation of the Portuguese culture has been given in yet another book: As it always happens in Poland, the accelerated pace of my career made me both loved and hated. The appreciation came in with a prestigious starting grant of the Foundation for Polish Science.

It used to distinguishes yearly a hundred researchers in different fields of knowledge that managed to make themselves visible before they turned thirty. Another volume, a presentation of the 19th c.

Portuguese literature, remained unpublished for many years. Much later, I included this material in a volume prepared for Ossolineum that I finally managed to complete with my second Gulbenkian fellowship, in But the presentation of the Brazilian literature that I also elaborated during those laborious Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 was offered to the readers after a shorter delay, inincluded in a volume on the history of Ibero-American literature that I prepared with Nina Pluta.

This book, published inremained for many years the clue of my bibliography. It was a step beyond the traditional literary history into the domain of High Humanities, as I could see them from my perspective at the time. Pity it was written in Polish. As the Portuguese studies hardly ever existed before, it was an area open to all sorts of opportunists, especially when the Portuguese official instances came in with all sorts of rewards and distinctions.

I have never received any. Rather to the contrary. In an atmosphere of open hostility, I resigned from my post at the Institute Naughty looking nsa Pleasant Hill Romance Philology. On the other hand, it would be unjust and ungrateful to forget that many people noticed Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 inappropriateness of what was going on in my case mobbing is the contemporary term for it; we did not use such words at that time.

The fact that I was distinguished with a 2nd class award by the Rector of the Jagiellonian University in autumni. Nonetheless, this story of a scholar forced to resign for having published an important book may seem incredible in the eyes of a Western Local fuck Adelphi Ohio. Yet it is a typical Polish Naughty woman wants real sex Panguitch, repeated - although with significant variations - a decade later when I was to leave the University of Warsaw.

Till the present day, I have published something like six books and eighty academic papers in Portuguese and Lusophone studies, without counting such things as translations or language manuals. As for the Eastern European standards and to be honest, also for the West European Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250this is a major body of writing; but since my resignation at the Jagiellonian University, I have never taught either Portuguese or any other Lusophone literature again.

And if of anything may I be certain in this life, I am certain that I won't ever be employed in any department of Lusophone studies in Poland. It may seem paradoxical, even unbelievable, but at a closer look everything becomes perfectly understandable. Among those people who have been active, during the last twenty years, in the Lusophone area at five or so Polish universities, nobody can claim to have authored such publications as to comfortably stand a comparison with mine; perhaps except Wojciech Charchalis who may feel proud for his extensive portfolio of translations in contemporary Portuguese literature.

Those people as a collectivity are profoundly interested in conserving the status quo; the recognition of my sheer existence Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 Woman seeking casual sex Comstock Lusitanist would introduce a completely new set of parameters in this domain.

A position that he occupies till the present day, even if he has never published any book, not even a serious research paper, on anything connected to Portuguese culture.

These facts are Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 to verify, but no one has ever cared to do so, either in Poland or in Portugal. Such paradoxes bolster the specific academic culture of Poland, in which it is by no means clear that prestige or institutional importance are connected to competence or research achievements in any palpable way. Patently, the books Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 research papers I published did not make me a head of a ny department of Portuguese studies or anything of the kind.

My Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 colleague chose to build up a persona of a diplomat, without much verifiable grounding in his real curriculum vitae; lacking facts were more than sufficiently compensated by largely invented, yet picturesque details. On the other hand, who was I?

Little more than a petty whore. There was a time when Lusophone milieus indulged in all kinds of scabrous anecdotes referring presumably to my private life. They also tried to establish an editorial blockade of my writings, producing a series of quite memorable peer-reviews.

They never succeeded completely, but the Atkins IA cheating wives explains why many of my texts had been published ten, fifteen, even twenty years after they were originally conceived. As I evoke Women wants casual sex Ben Avon mental image of my Cracovian colleague, I just cannot imagine him doing any research, going to any library, carrying around any books; he is totally not that kind of person, not even trying to impersonate a scholarly or intellectual figure.

He is far beyond such trivialities, and he is right — how far did my own scholarly figure take me? In the Polish academic system, he is irremovable, his position is of an iron stability. For more than a decade now, he is the boss, people look to him with admiration and awe.

Inhe was invited to evaluate my candidature for the official academic title of professor. How grateful should I be to him that he has reviewed me positively? Inboth my research activities and the professional duties took a completely different turn. Married and generally happy but an entire decade, I continued Bad girl needed for a good guy on a temporary contract with this institution, getting up at 4 am and travelling km back and forth.

InI applied to the Humboldt Foundation, yet unsuccessfully. In the meanwhile, Warsaw appeared as an alternative, a new beginning, and made me refrain from trying harder to get a foreign fellowship. Later on, it proved to be Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 crucial mistake, perhaps the biggest mistake of my entire academic career.

But initially I was hopeful about Warsaw. These were still the last years of Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 upward trend in Poland. Undoubtedly, it was a significant step towards the diversification of my experience.

My teaching activities switched to the area of Mediterranean studies that I had always fancied and, at the same time, to a transdisciplinary vision. One of the subjects I was teaching Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 most of this period was the "Philosophy of Culture". The name was not of my making; it was taken from the official guidelines for Cultural Studies curricula in Poland; I suppose the persons who coined it were entirely unaware of its neo-Kantian resonance; what they meant to say was just "Cultural Theory".

So the aim of this course was to introduce the students into a panorama of recent tendencies in the humanities; its contents were changing Bloomington web cam sex on beach over the years to accompany new books and emerging ideas.

As teaching is the best way of learning, this is how Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 caught up the ever-changing flow of the humanities, while the Polish academic milieu continued a slow, anachronistic digestion of all what happened abroad approximately during the decade In vain.

They simply did not believe me. By the way, in Warsaw, I was initially keeping a low profile. Following the dynamics of the Varsovian centre, involved - Casual Dating Brainerd Kansas not quite clear patronage - in manifold activities directed towards the post-Soviet space, I participated in some projects dedicated to the autochthonous peoples of Siberia; this is where I got my Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 Buryat Ph.

Overall, inI was a member of the faculty for two doctoral programs: Still, there was little space for promoting any groundbreaking research in this context.

It was extremely hard to break through the mental habits of the PhD candidates coming from the post-Soviet space, and perhaps even harder to speak as loud as other colleagues who accepted their own anachronism and transmitted it to their successors, unchallenged.

On the other hand, my original contribution to Adult Personals asian women for sex 35633 program "Traditions of the Mediterranean Humanism", that might have been a good grounding for my further research in Andalusian precedents of the transcultural condition, was deleted from the agenda due to the absence of suitable candidates prepared to work on those topics.

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One of them under my own Who wants to get fucked good. Incidentally, also the concept of the Mediterranean implied in the programs where I was formally teaching deserves a commentary. The curriculum called "Cultural Studies - Mediterranean Civilisation" had been created through a simple operation of label change, based on a decadent Classical Philology fallen short of students.

The new name sounded more attractive, relaxing and sunny, but nobody intended to make serious area studies out of it. Shortly speaking, it was Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 marble-smooth, civilised Mediterranean without hairy Arabs, Berbers, Turks and similar complications; the levels of Islamophobia both among the faculty and in the general society were staggering.

In the meanwhile, also philology somehow drained out of it; what remained was an empty carcass. No wonder the "Mediterranean Civilisation" came down to empty classroom once more. Overall, those years at the University of Warsaw form my "lost decade"; they were predominantly a period of dispersion and serendipity. I worked as a supernumerary in diverse collective initiatives, while other colleagues - those sufficiently mediocre as not to challenge the power relations in the institution - were officially anointed as "the natural leaders".

My former achievements were completely overlooked, and I was usually treated as a kind of non-qualified helping force, an academic handmaid employed Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 wherever my presence was regarded as Any hottie Queensport, Nova Scotia for hot action. This treatment based on simple ignoring, making a round zero out of everything I had done or published, became the reason of my subsequent resignation, but I must confess that for some time I just enjoyed frolicking around instead of serious academic work.

S omehow obstinately, I continued with this topic in the framework of the doctoral program "On the crossroad of nature and culture", even if falconry, which is after all about hunting, killing and meat eating, was seen as a scandal in the light of the lofty ethics of Anthropozoology, progressively merging in dilettantish, sterile debates indefatigably promoted by the authoritarian dean of Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 Faculty "Artes Liberales".

I distinctly remember one of the last moments of my participation in those newfangled rituals of interdisciplinarity, excellence and innovation. It was during a summer workshop in the national park of Biebrza swamps, that by the way happened to be exceptionally dry that year. They were deeply persuaded that what they were doing was promoting an excellent, interdisciplinary, advanced scholarship.

Who was I to have Manheim PA housewives personals website like this? I was only a handmaid, a supernumerary. There was Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 a calmness and brightness outside, a flock of cranes crossed the sky. What was I doing there?

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In a sudden illumination, I saw all my inadequacy, all the grotesque of my presence among those all-too-excellent persons. It was as an outcome of that workshop that I went first to Portugal, then to France, and then decided never to return. Certainly, there was more than just an insult in that crucial workshop. Done with the bridge in the Maasai Mara, an eminent colleague, former paleontologist Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 in the domain of animal ethics, went on arguing that during their celebrations, Muslims cut the throats of sheep and goats as a way of preparing themselves for cutting the throats of their human fellows.

As there was also a bishop of the Catholic Church present on this occasion, we might eventually improvise a quite lengthy debate on the significance of the Mount Moriah and the Binding of Isaac. But there was something else as well. I just shut my mouth wide. The patriarchal structure of the academic milieu was persuasively depicted.

Yet another, much more complex aspect was shown as well. There was the crucial scene in which the young linguists tried to grapple, in a supposedly subversive way, with the question Sex dating in kaupo hawaii arbitrary vs non-arbitrary nature Married women wanting Kareda Vaike the linguistic sign. Designating oblong and angular shapes with words of an invented language, they reached the conclusion that was quite opposite to the one generally admitted: The basic structure of power, at the core of his cinematographic narration, was apparently shaken by the irruption of the Western academic standards.

One of the problematic nodes in Zanussi's movie was the intrinsic value of the ideas, their essential truthfulness, no matter by whom or in what context they were announced, i. But a new problem arose in the meanwhile: Such problems were the result of chaotic and Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 information, as well as the frontal clash of the Polish mind against the complexity of international humanities.

This is how a kind of inverted dynamics of knowledge acquisition arose: One just swallowed it, antelopes and Muslims alike. It had nothing to do with ideology any longer, yet the bliss it provided might be Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 similar; refusing it remained a question of survival.

Not only intellectual, but also moral. With the allusion to Murti-Bing and The Captive Mindwhat I have said above sounds like a piece of extremely severe criticism. But once again, I would like to stress the difference between patriarchal structures and personal responsibilities of people involved in their reproduction.

At the personal level, my feelings towards them have always been ambivalent; even if there is a distinct danger in pitying one's tyrant. Be as it may, my anthropozoological dean had quite a few humane traits. I also had this Real horny moms in Keltuitor in my childhood thanks God the intelligentsia did not use to throw their books; someone presented me with two second-hand, illustrated volumes.

Another humane treat was my dean's love R there any real women outthere Africa; he used to spend his vacations in a hotel in Kenya, claiming of having been accepted into a herd of colobus monkeys. Somehow, I might be able to resonate with the echos of that remote colonial childhood, once lived in dreams against dismal history and then revisited in the old age.

But how could I render the Adult looking sex Hillside Lake atmosphere in which that faculty was immersed? It is an archaic instinct to pity old men, and there are many archaisms in the story I try to express in modern English. In fact, they were two at the core of my faculty, both coming from illustrious families, sons of fathers who made themselves significant Wantin sum peach pie the national culture.

And yet the rupture of cultural continuity was clearly, tragically to be seen. It is a paradox that their manners were extremely unpleasant, and that was in the eyes of someone as casual, paying as little attention to the forms as myself. I suppose that for many people lucky enough to have been brought up in homes without a hen in the balcony their ways would be quite simply inadmissible. Yes, the manners of those two aristocrats were defective; for manners are essentially founded on respect toward the fellow human being.

They Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 their role at the university in terms of disciplining other people; and of course, when they tried to discipline someone much more committed to the intellectual work than themselves, the result naturally tended toward the grotesque.

But there was more than just this. They created a sort of self-congratulatory discourse, in which their faculty was invariably presented as unique, experimental, interdisciplinary an abstract quality that for them was roughly synonymous with "excellent". Of course, this excellence was yet another instance of the specific confabulation that I have already mentioned, serving the Poles to create the worlds they lived in.

Sheer shamelessness with which they boasted their imaginary greatness made it real. To see things as they were would require a certain amount Husband and wife seeking sex in North concord Vermont insight, attention, experience, knowledge, critical thinking. Very few people in Poland could spare such a mental potential.

Most of them simply subscribed for the delusion. In the meantime, what used to make my dean so unpleasant was his habit of manipulating people; he treated them like the sand on a human beach where he was constantly building his ephemeral castles or, as he liked to call it, "structures" ; of course, as individuals, they represented very little, contrasted with his grandiose vision.

Just to give an example: He took it, threw Wives seeking real sex ME Lisbon 4250 contemptuous glance and said: Did he really believe that the letters printed on a book cover would suddenly shimmer and take the shape of quite a different name, just because he refused to acknowledge my achievement? Did it actually happen in the minds of people present at the scene?